Apologize
by BellaEdward94
Summary: *SPOILER ALERT* Do not read if you haven't read COLS. Malec breaks up, for obvious reasons, and Alec tries some "mundane" ways of apologizing. Will Magnus accept, or will his actions all be for nothing? And what will happen when they finally find Maureen? Rated T - for now. M in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

It had been weeks since Magnus had said they were over. At first, it had been really hard. Alec wasn't used to sleeping in his own bed, let alone being home for more than a few hours a day.

Ever since Max had died, he had taken to staying at Magnus's more often. Being inside the Institute only brought back memories of Max that Alec couldn't deal with now, or ever. He wound was too fresh, and the pain had only recently become bearable, because of Magnus. Magnus had been there for him, more than anyone else. Alec didn't like showing emotions, didn't like sharing his feelings with others. Magnus had a certain way of getting around that shell and coaxing Alec into spilling his utmost secrets.

Even then, after all of that, it was still so hard for them to understand each other. Alec loved Magnus with all of his heart, there was no doubt about that, and he felt terrible about what he did. Especially now that Magnus had dumped him and Alec was at home, curled up under the covers in his bed, biting into his bottom lip to keep from crying.

He was so used to sleeping with Magnus, waking up with his head on Magnus's chest, or vice versa. He liked feeling Magnus's body heat, liked seeing his spiky, glittery hair spread out along the pillows, eyes closed as he breathed deeply. He was always so peaceful while he slept.

Alec sighed and sat up, rubbing at his sleep deprived eyes. They were baggy and_ so_ purple around the edges, but it was his fault. He couldn't stop thinking about the things he could have differently, the things they both could have done to keep this from happening. But it had happened anyway, and now Alec was left to deal with the consequences of his actions and it freaking sucked.

He dressed slowly, lips pressed together tightly as he pulled on his jeans and then a black sweater that Magnus had once said complemented his body type. His frown only deepened.

Alec grabbed his jacket and wallet from the chair next to his bed, closing his bedroom door behind him as silently as possible. He walked quickly down the hallway, only pausing once to rub his hand along the back of Church's ears, smiling slightly when the cat purred and rubbed against him.

He stepped into the elevator and pretended that he didn't see Isabelle standing there, raising an eyebrow at him. She was wearing her gear, whip wrapped around her arm like a ring of bracelets. Her eyeliner was smudged, which somehow only gave her that smoky, sexy look instead of making her look like a raccoon.

"Going somewhere?" she asked, clicking her tongue against her teeth.

"Yes." Alec answered, almost smiling when Izzy rolled her eyes.

"This is the part when you tell me where you're going."

"Does it matter? Out. I'm going out." Alec answered with a shrug, strong gaze not withering in the slightest when Izzy stepped out of the elevator, throwing her long black hair behind her shoulder.

"It's late. You never go out this late."

"And you never come back this early. Iz, just drop it."

"Going to see Magnus?" her voice was quiet, almost a whisper. Alec looked away from her piercing gaze. "Did he even talk to you the last time?"

Alec shook his head. "Slammed the door in my face."

Isabelle sighed. "Alec – "

"Just drop it, Iz. I'm going out. End of discussion."

Isabelle shook her head sadly. "I just don't want you to hurt any more than you are already."

"I don't think I can hurt any more than this." Alec smiled wistfully and waved Isabelle away with his hands. "Go. Okay? I'll be fine. Just go."

Isabelle nodded and didn't look back as she made her way down the hallway, stopping once to bend down and scratch Church's back. Alec sighed and closed his eyes while he waited for the elevator to stop. Once it did he stepped out of the elevator and out of the Institute.

He had been doing this a lot lately, going out late, or more like early in the morning, to think as he walked. It helped. He had been thinking of ways to apologize, like Magnus's neighbors had.

Would Magnus accept a card, or a bouquet of flowers? No, it needed to be something different…

Another scarf from the GAP? He seemed to like the scarfs they sold in those mundane stores. Alec had never been in one. He mom usually bought clothes for them, had them brought in from Idris.

Maybe flowers would be a good start. Magnus seemed to like them. He would sometimes steal flowers from the park when he and Alec would go for a walk.

So Alec did just that. He bought a dozen lilies from the nearest florist that was open at 6:00 o'clock in the morning and a vase. He asked for it to be filled with water so that it wouldn't tip over when he set it on Magnus's door step, and then he did just that. He walked up the many steps to the doorway of Magnus's apartment, and set the flowers down on top of the doormat.

He worried his bottom lip, something he had been doing more often. It was a nervous habit, something Magnus liked to pick on him for. When they had been searching for Jace, Alec had sat on Magnus's couch, biting his lip until it would start to bleed, and Magnus would scold him.

"Injuring yourself won't do Jace any good." he would say, wiping away the blood from Alec's lip with his thumb.

It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that Alec missed Magnus. It was way more than that. Alec_ longed_ for him, yearned for even so much as a glance of Magnus's face.

It was pathetic, but Alec didn't care. He loved Magnus, and he admitted he had messed up big time.

He stared down at the bouquet for a little while longer, hoping that he had bought the right type of flower. He knew Magnus liked lilies, but would he have preferred tulips? Alec knew Magnus liked those too.

It was stupid to worry like this, and Alec knew it, so he stopped and turned, trying so hard not to look back at Magnus's door with longing as he made his way back home, dreading another sleepless night in his own bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Welcome all~ Read and enjoy!

Review, please!

Disclaimer: I do not own this book series, but if I did... you don't want to know lol

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**Chapter 2**

Here he was, once again, a few days later, setting another vase full of flowers down on Magnus's doorstep. This time, they were tulips. And this time, there was a card.

The second Alec had purchased it, he had immediately felt regret. It was stupid. Cards were stupid. But Alec was trying his best to do this, to do it in a way that would seem sincere without having to actually do it in front of Magnus.

He had tried so hard to convey all his feelings of regret through that card, to show Magnus just how sorry he truly was, and he could only hope that it had come out the right way on paper. It had sounded good in his head, but he couldn't help and second guess himself.

He had half a mind to just grab the flowers and the card and just run for it, and pretend he had never been there. He couldn't, though. He somehow knew that this would help his cause, help Magnus see that he was really trying, though Magnus still refused to see him.

With how hard Alec was trying, there was no way Magnus could keep rejecting him. No way.

It was late, way past midnight, and Alec was more than tired. The Clave had Alec and the rest of his family searching every night for the past three weeks for a twelve-year-old rogue vampire that had somehow killed the head of the New York coven, Camille. They had orders to take her down the moment they found her, and they had yet to do that.

Alec wiped sweat from his brow, checking to make sure the card was in exactly the right spot at exactly the right angle before turning, breathing deeply, and heading down the long stairwell once again. He couldn't count the number of times his feet had touched these steps.

Tonight seemed different, somehow. Maybe it was because Alec was almost dead on his feet, so exhausted from weeks without proper sleep and hours upon hours of patrolling.

He could barely see in front of him anymore. He yawned and stretched, deciding to take a shortcut through a few back alleys to get back to the Institute. He figured with how tired he was now he would be able to get a decent amount of sleep once he arrived home.

He was only a block away from Magnus's apartment before it happened. Small, almost powerless demons came out of nowhere, their long bodies skulking through the shadows towards him. Any other time, this would be easy for him to handle on his own, but not today. He was too tired, way too exhausted, and his only thought was to run because there was no way he could win a fight against one of them in this state, let alone five.

He should have known better. He had been trained for so many years for moments like this.

He turned to run, turned his back to the demons and he knew that was a grave mistake. One of the demons lifted its long, barbed tail and whipped it against Alec's clothed back, ripping through the fabric like it was nothing. Shadowhunting gear was made for battle, yet this demon's tail somehow ripped right through it.

Alec cursed and grabbed the dagger at his belt. Whispering its name, he swung at the demon that had attacked him first, slicing through the thick meat of its tail. It howled and icor began oozing from its wound, splattering the ground beneath it. Alec raised the dagger and sliced down once more; ripping through the demon's head before it disappeared completely, leaving disgusting ooze in its wake.

The other four growled harshly and before he knew it, Alec was on the ground, hands grabbing at the demon on top of him whose jaws were snapping at him, trying its hardest to bite and wound. There was no one to help him, no one near enough to cry out for and Alec was blacking out, tired arms still straining to push the demons away.

He awoke in his own bed, eyes wide as he gasped and writhed, having awoken from a nightmare. Isabelle was at his bedside, looking down at him worriedly.

"What…?" his voice trailed off, hoarse and gravelly from sleep.

Isabelle stared down at him disapprovingly, though her hand reached out to push his long-ish hair back. "You shouldn't have gone to Magnus's apartment. It could have waited another day."

Alec shook his head, wincing at the feeling of his brain sloshing around. "No, I would have been fine any other time. I had let my guard down when I shouldn't have and…"

"You could have been killed by a bunch of lesser demons." Isabelle frowned, the sides of her mouth twitching as she fought a small smile. "Oh, what shame you would have brought upon our family! A Lightwood, killed by demons that little children could have fought off!"

Alec rolled his eyes and managed a small smile. "Haha, funny, Iz." Then he asked, puzzled. "How did I get back here anyway?"

The moment Isabelle spoke Alec could tell she was lying, but he didn't feel like bringing it up. He could live with the lie for now. "I took Jace with me to go find you. I figured since you had looked so tired and depressed that we could help cheer you up by dragging you away from Magnus's apartment and home for a cup of coffee when we found you like that…" Isabelle sighed. "You had a really deep cut across your back and a few bloody scrapes on your arms and torso but other than that you were fine. You probably passed out from exhaustion."

Alec nodded and lay back against his pillows, sighing. He still felt tired, but he doubted he could sleep. When Hodge had been there and Alec would have trouble sleeping, he would always bring him a cup of some herbal tea to help him calm enough to sleep.

He closed his eyes and turned onto his side, away from Izzy, wincing once again at the sharp pain in his back. Neither of them said anything for a while, and Alec almost thought Izzy had left the room before she started to speak.

"Why are you trying so hard" She asked, voice quiet and filled with an emotion Alec couldn't quite understand. "To win Magnus back?"

"Because I love him," Alec murmured, not even bothering to turn to look at her. "And I'm an idiot."

He must have fallen asleep because when he next awoke, he was alone, and a glass of herbal tea lay on his bedside table, steam rising from the mug in swirls. He drank it gratefully and lay back against his pillows, closing his eyes as he attempted to dream of a different time, when Magnus had taken him to Paris…


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Don't own this TERRIBLY AWFUL BOOK SERIES**

**MEEEEH. Cassandra Clare, ruining my ships since 2012**

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**Chapter 3**

"I take it you're feeling better."

Alec stopped eating his oatmeal to look up at Jace, who was smiling down at him. He took a bite of his breakfast and swallowed before answering. "Yes."

"I'm not letting you go out alone anymore. I know Maryse probably already said that but as your _parabatai_, I think I have more authority than her." Jace joked, running a hand through his bed head while he opened the cupboard with his other hand, searching for a glass. "What if you had fallen and scraped your knee? I wouldn't have been there to kiss your booboo!"

Alec knew that Jace had been more worried than he was letting on, so he didn't answer Jace and instead just chuckled.

"So how are things with Magnus?" he asked, and Alec had trouble swallowing his breakfast for a moment. He looked up at Jace, seeing an emotion play across his eyes and he had a sudden feeling that Jace knew something Alec didn't.

"I haven't seen him in two weeks, and the last time I did see him he slammed the door in my face. How do you think things are between us?" Alec's voice dripped with cynicism, and Jace rolled his eyes.

"I was just making conversation. Don't be such a pessimist."

"Look who's talking."

Jace grabbed his bowl of cereal and started for the door. "When you're done acting all sad I'll be in my room."

Jace was acting different than usual, less harsh in his joking with Alec. It made Alec feel nervous, that maybe something was going on that he was being left out of. It wouldn't have been the first time, though, so he didn't feel too surprised.

Alec got up from the table and slid his arms into his jacket, wallet in hand. He doubted he would be attacked again, since it was daylight but just to make sure, he slid a dagger into his pocket. Lost in thought, he made his way out of the Institute and towards his newly frequented florist.

What flowers should he buy today? Alec had never been interested in those types of things, flowers and the like, because it just seemed too boring, but ever since he had started purchasing the flowers he had become fascinated by them. All flowers had some hidden meaning, varying from country to country, but there was one flower that seemed to mean the same thing on every continent; red roses, for love.

He decided on roses, silently hoping that Magnus would finally talk to him. He had a feeling that his actions were getting to Magnus.

When he entered the hallway and made his way to Magnus's front door, he suddenly felt nervous, and he didn't understand why.

Until he bent over to set the new vase of flowers down and saw a pair of feet in the way, feeling surprised because he hadn't even heard the door open. His heart leapt up into his throat and he swallowed thickly before he shakily stood, too scared and nervous to look Magnus in the eyes. Instead he held the vase out towards him, praying that he would accept them.

He didn't. He stood there, waiting for Alec to meet his eyes, and once he did Magnus frowned deeply.

"Stop coming here." were the first words out of his mouth, and Alec winced, noticing how bleak and emotionless Magnus seemed to look. His eyes betrayed nothing.

Instead of answering, Alec tried pushing the vase into Magnus's hands, but he refused to take it, crossing his arms over his chest. Alec sighed.

"Take the flowers and leave."

Alec bit into his bottom lip, suddenly angry. "Where are the other flowers?"

Magnus searched Alec's face for a moment and shrugged. "I felt bad for them, so I brought them in. You can have them back if you want."

Alec shook his head. "Keep them. Here." and he tried once again to force Magnus to take the vase, to no avail.

"Stop coming here." Magnus ran a hand through spiky, sparkly hair. He was wearing Alec's favorite t-shirt, black soft cotton that Alec loved to run his fingertips over. It was always so soft. Probably another shirt from the GAP. "I told you before; I want nothing to do with you anymore."

He shook his head again. "If you won't take them, I'll just leave them here." Alec set the vase down on the welcome mat beneath his feet, making sure it wouldn't tip over before he stood up, casting his eyes down so that he wouldn't have to look at Magnus again. "I want to talk to you."

"And I'm really not in the mood to talk to you, Alexander, so please leave." Magnus sounded drained and Alec felt terrible.

"You don't understand," he whispered, wringing his hands together worriedly. "I just wanted to be with you. I wasn't going to do it. I told her no."

"You betrayed my trust." Magnus's voice was rigid, and most of all, hurt. He took a step back into the doorway of his apartment, and Alec heard the Chairman 'meow' behind him. "You went behind my back, and for what?" he scoffed, "I really don't want to talk about this. I already told you, it's over."

"I just want a second chance." Alec murmured, shifting from foot to foot in nervousness.

Magnus was quiet for a moment. Then when he spoke, he sounded eons older, and a sudden pang went through Alec's heart. "I don't know if you deserve one." He could feel the pain radiating from Magnus, and Alec's eyes suddenly felt wet. He hadn't even cried, much, when Magnus had first broken up with him, and he really couldn't cry_ now_.

Before Alec could answer, Magnus had closed the door and Alec took a deep breath to attempt to control his emotions.

And then he looked down at the roses beneath his feet, once more, before leaving the hallway, heading for some place where he could think.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Alec turned the corner, holding the witchlight tighter in his hands as his eyes searched the room around him. Once he found nothing he relaxed only slightly, knowing she could still be in a thousand other places. Maureen.

He was patrolling again, this time in an old abandoned building with his mother and father. They had taken different floors, so Alec was basically alone in his search. He had a feeling that this was all for naught. They were looking for her in all the wrong places, and they would only be able to find her when she wanted to be found. It was no use, looking for her, when she wasn't ready to be found.

A few hours later, around four in the morning, Alec met up with his parents at the entrance of the building, trying not to look too distraught. How was he going to sneak away from them to deliver the flowers? Maybe it would be a good idea to wait until later in the day, but he had bought them and he wouldn't be able to sleep if he didn't deliver them now, not that he would really be able to sleep anyway…

"I don't know what to do anymore," his mother started, voice sounding tired and defeated. "We were given this assignment because it's our territory, but even so, how do they expect us to find her on our own? We have no idea where she could be. We've never encountered something like this before."

"We'll find her," Alec's father sighed, running a hand through his greying hair. "We just have to be patient."

His mother sighed. "Let's head home."

Alec braced himself and spoke, finally. "I have something I have to take care of. You guys go ahead-"

Maryse barely gave him enough time to speak before lashing out and grasping Alec's wrist, not even masking the anger and worry in her voice. "You'll be coming home with us. Whatever it is you need to do, do it tomorrow."

Alec knew it was because of what had happened the last time he had been out by himself, and he really shouldn't have been so surprised by his mother's outburst. He just nodded his head, dark hair falling to cover the disappointment in his eyes. He knew tonight, he wouldn't be sleeping at all.

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Alec awoke, drenched with sweat, hands clutching at the baggy shirt covering his torso. He hated sleeping, because of the nightmares. Usually, whenever he slept at Magnus's, he wasn't prone to having them, so he was used to dreamless nights. Now, he was going to have to grow accustomed to the nightmares once again.

He stretched shakily and rose, planning to head to the kitchen for a cup of tea to calm his nerves. Maybe he could get a few more hours in. He needed the sleep.

Church slinked behind him, rubbing his head against Alec's leg, and he couldn't help but smile, leaning down slightly to scratch behind the big cat's ear.

Someone was talking. Alec could hear voices, coming from somewhere down the hallway. The closer he got to the kitchen, the louder the voices got, until he could understand what they were saying.

"We need help, Maryse," It was Robert, rough voice sounding wiped out; dead. "We can't keep searching on our own. We could ask Magnus-"

"No," Was Maryse's answer, hard and to the point. "You can't do that. I know we need help, but we can ask someone else."

"But who?" Robert sighed. "No one is better. He's the best, and we need him. I'm not going to ask Alec to talk to him, if that's what you're implying."

"Robert, I don't care. Just… give it one more night. Give it more time, and then ask him. We can't do it now. Not while Alec is still… healing."

Alec felt his eyes tear up and he averted his gaze from Church, who was staring up at him with sad, inquisitive eyes, and up to the ceiling, watching the lights flicker.

Alec didn't sleep any more that night.

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Another, desolate, lonely night of patrolling. Alec was getting sick of this. He knew they couldn't give up, not until she was found, but this was getting annoying and he really didn't think he could take anymore.

Another dark, dusty, abandoned building, and Alec's mood just kept on plummeting. If the giant bags under his eyes indicated anything, he was tired. He wanted to go home and sleep, but he was the only one in the house of age, and he needed to be here to help.

He sighed and tightened his fingers around his witchlight, looking down another hallway, searching through another room, turning over another table… This was tedious and stupid and… just dumb. They weren't going to find her. She was too smart for them, too smart to _be_ found.

His eyes felt heavy and sleepy and he rubbed at his right eye with his free hand, yawning absentmindedly. His eyes closed momentarily and he felt himself running into something, something that tripped him and caused him to fall forward, witchlight skidding across the dusty floor in front of him, arms out to catch himself as he fell, leg twisting at an odd angle.

"Alec Lightwood," A voice spoke, and a fierce chill ran all the way down Alec's spine. He hurried to grab his witchlight and stand up, realizing as pain ran up his leg, that somehow he had hurt an ankle tripping and dammit, he just had to pick this moment to act like an inexperienced Shadowhunter, didn't he? He should have known better than this. He should have been watching where he was going. He should have had someone give him a rune to help him stay awake, he should have drunken tons and tons of coffee. He had been trained for circumstances like this... There were so many things he could have done to prevent this, somehow, in some way, but there was no way he could go back now and correct the things he had done. So he steeled himself and turned, ready to fight, and couldn't help but grit his teeth at the sight of Maureen, haughtily staring down at him. "What a surprise."

Alec should have known this was going to happen.

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REVIEW! Please! ^^ I appreciate feedback, so please let me know what you think. Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

short, but important :) don't forget to review.

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**Chapter 5**

"Maureen?" Alec squeaked, scrambling to stand up, gritting his teeth when his injured ankle screamed in protest.

"Duh," She rolled her eyes, taking a step towards him. "You shadowhunters are just so stupid. I left clues for you all over the place, but you just can't seem to catch on. Idiots," She hissed through her grin, flicking the tip of her tongue against her teeth, and then she laughed. "And you, Alec, oh my god you're so stupid. I sent those lesser demons after you, and you couldn't even defeat them. Even now, you're stumbling over yourself to catch a thirteen-year-old newborn vampire. You're so pathetic,"

Alec gribbed his stele tightly, other hand itching towards one of the seraph blades on his belt. He wished he had brought more weapons. He wasn't good at close combat, and with an injured ankle this was going to be even worse. Before he could attack though, his arms were suddenly being bent behind him and he screamed out in pain, dropping his stele onto the dusty floor of the abandoned warehouse. His mom and dad were only floors below him. If only they could hear him…

Two of Maureen's lackeys were hold Alec's arm back, twisting until he was sure one of his wrists was broken. "So weak." Maureen chuckled, running the tip of her finger down the side of Alec's face. "You know, I heard from the other vampires that Shadowhunter blood isn't actually so bad. I was wondering if I could have a little taste… though I'm sure you won't say no to _me_."

_Shit shit shit I'm such an idiot_, Alec screamed at himself, struggling against the hands holding him hostage. _She's going to drain me dry. She's going to kill me._ Maureen stepped forward and leaned towards him, lips parting as she got closer and closer to the erratically pulsing vein in his neck. She pressed her lips against it and Alec yelped, kicking towards her and missing. Maureen laughed, a loud bark that echoed through the dark and damp hallway.

"I'm not going to bite you, silly." Her voice was bubble gum sweet, and suddenly there was a blade against the inside of Alec's wrist, the blunt tip pressing into his skin. The vampires had brought his arms forward, insides facing up as if presenting them to Maureen. He squirmed and yelled out, which only made Maureen laugh harder. "I'm going to slit your wrists and bleed you dry. It'll be fun, especially when poor mommy and daddy find your body. They'll want revenge for their second dead child, and the chase will be such a thrill." She squealed excitedly and suddenly Alec was screaming, blood running in rivulets down his arm. Maureen twisted his wrist to the side and held it over a wooden bowl so that the blood dripped freely into the container, pooling quickly. "Shall I do the other side too?"

Suddenly there was white hot pain against the inside of his other arm, slicing vertically. He screamed and writhed, toes curling at the burn in his arms. He could feel the blood flowing quicker now, and everything seemed to be numbing slowly. His eyesight was blurring and his ears pounded loudly, screaming at Alec for the pain. His legs sipped and slid underneath him, and his head lolled to the side. He could see some of the red on the floor now, creating a slow pool beneath his feet. It soaked through his pants and he hissed when Maureen pressed her thumb into wound, twisting her nail into the open flesh.

"Well, this was fun, but I best be going now." She cocked her head to the side and the hands on him were gone in a flash, and he fell to his knees, chest heaving and pupils blown wide. Pain wracked his entire frame, and he groaned when he couldn't hold himself up anymore, his shoulders slamming into the wall next to him. "Crap, I can smell the warlock." Maureen hissed, feet pit-patting quickly away. "I should have expected him," Her voice slowly faded until Alec wasn't sure if she had finally left, or he was deaf.

"Damn it," Alec grunted, attempting to reach for his stele to apply a quick healing rune. He couldn't seem to be able to move his fingers, though. They were numb with the fire that was quickly spreading throughout his arms. "Damn it all,"

He struggled to keep his eyes open, to curl his fingers around the stele, but it was all in vain. Before he knew it, everything had gone black and he was suddenly being shaken awake. He could barely find it in himself to open his eyes, but when he finally did, all he could see was olive-toned skin and cat-like eyes, and he was gone once again. Eyes sliding shut as his mind shut down completely.


End file.
